Worried about the future…listening to some words from here and there, plus depressing signs from my family. Things like these never help, they just put me in the usual circle of doom.
Listening to the beautiful instrumental played by Era, Flowers of the Sea. This is all what I want from life. Tranquility…
Wandering about a usual thought of mine, words give meaning to meanings. People always complain about that there are so much words with no actions. Do they really talk right?
Remembering the time I wrote my poetry to my imaginary love in my early and middle teen years. How I laughed in my sleeves when my mates asked me who is she. And I realize how am I now, though still I don't write poetry. Is it the fake stronger than the true? Or is it the hell of depressants I'm living in?
I want to run, I want to live my free decisions, I want to be with my family, I want to be with her, I want all of this in the same time
Still, dear friends of mine had most of these, but…when the moment of losing someone comes…it just adds to my misery.
I admit that I like people when they say good words about me, whether they were right or wrong. Is this wrong or right? At those moments I really don't care, what I care is about my satisfaction. Selfishness I know, but who is not?
I regret my giving up when I was faced by the change of my career, but there was so little time, so little resistance to the so huge force from them, the point is…they will not pay the price, I'm the one who will pay the price, and they will just live happily that they did what they were supposed to do in their own perspective, and after that complain that I didn't do my planned part.
And after all, they say, you chose it.
Dreaming…
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