Mohamed ElGohary

As I began my first day in "SunRise" School…I dont remember how did I overcome the barrier of language that easily (looking back at my age then, 5 years old…) I even loved thw way things wokred there…enjoying being injected with the love and passion for English Language…I used to be a very naughty boy( how ironically opposite myself is now)…to beat anyone who tried to tease me, which was almost all of the time, and then suffering the blame from the teahcers and the evil looks on the pupils. But best of all at the end of the day, the last thirty minutes before going home…watching cartoons which made my return home always a painful experience…

Nationalism, the expression in whicn I think, the first source of extremism which I suffer sometimes. I'm very interested in politics, history and Religion comparison(though I dont know how can someone like me can be interested in fields which are almost never common with like 99.99% of the people in around my surroundings…

There interests introduced to the blakc history and present of our humanity, and how imposible for any form of living to be perfect…or even to be as perfect as possible…

Abosrbed in this shocking realization, I began to relieve myself more and more, hoping for more and more approaching to a practical way of living…To be more drowned in the world of words…aka books…which always remained my true love…Being for me whenever I needed them…But again…I suffer this idiot inherted phenomena named privacy invading…

I used to read a lot, to be ill wit hthe habit of eating books…which was something dangerous for my parents, my doctor parents…

They always argued me to stop or lessen reading…and what is worst is that when they see books which are of opposition politics orientation…

I dont know if they have a bit of hidden jealousy in themselves, since I never detected a single sign of heard any mentioning to the sense of reading…

when i grew up a lil bit…entering school…the 1st school i entered in the non-egyptian nation i was in, was the perfect example of multi-cultural society…i was among different kind of ppl…which made me exposed (but not neccesarily caught in the idea of realization) to how different human beings can be…british, americans, indians, lebanese, syrians, pakis…including egyptians…and many more…another exposure was to globalization…and to dual standards…like talking in Ebglish in front of the teachers and the staff, while talking arabic when we (arabs) were with each other…which also taught me the sense of nationalism…(some might name it other expressions, but when i reanalyze it i cant name it other than that)…

Anger everywhere. Anger here and there. Always anger and there is no one to care. Anger in my opinion is one of the most primitive spontanuous way of expressing existed since day one. Angry sometimes can be right or wrong…But let's take some different angle…Many people discuss anger as something negative, something will affect your body, your mood, etc etc etc…while if you reanalyze it from a different angle…you can begin to consider how people usually talk about things from only one-side only…
Some people get angry for wrong reasons, some for right ones, some are just violent by their own nature…you know…if you ever tried to enter a queue for a paper you want for your personal ID for example, or even worse, try to get a 2 LE from the 5 pt bread at the local bakery in your area. At least you can witness one of these incidents in the everyday life.
Anger can take several ways of evolution, for example, someone takes your place by his strength, his "wasta", money, or whatever…of course this someone will be burning from inside. But tell me, does it usually happen that this angry person will transfer these supposed negative feelings of inside anger to positive actions to get their right back? In our Egyptian Society, and myself sometimes, this usually never happens. On the contrary, these negative feelings become enormous inside the human being untill it really cause the side-effects we were talking about in the one-sided point of view.
This state of being angry, the positive side of being angry, which is really very rare, or I can say, hideous in our Egyptian Society, can have two separate side-effects in my opinion:
1. Forcing the people to never give their rights up under ANY slogan, esp. that Egyptians many times utilize religious principles in the very wrong (or opposite) ways. And this way will be the peace leading way of developing of some of the terrible aspects in Egyptian life.
OR
2. Increasing and increasing the feelings of supressed and anger (and/or humiliation) which can lead to really dangerous effects (as you can see from the egyptian economic scene today)

Anonymous: "The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry."

Alone…
The purifying feeling of being alone…
My parents never tried to understand my need to be alone from time to time, they just use the easy option of being scared and throw all the same-old-nagging about it is not right…it is bad…just like i'm still a child…

I was never taught the sense of privacy…my parents always invaded my strong desire for privacy…under many excuses…parental watch, love, protecting…yea ok i'm important for you and all…but do you think that this way will make the character you want to see? to be a real man who is able to face this monsterous-kind of life which is getting harder every second…

privacy…

as a matter of logic, this way of raising up made me believe that i have the right to invade the privacy of people i begin to care for…leading to face numberless problems as you can imagine…

privacy…

i suffered, paying the fees of the school of life…this suffering made me need to reanalyse the meaning of privacy, how to preserve it, how to protect it from the invasion from even my own parents…which released really bad effects…

lying…
cheating…
and all evil acts one can imagine…

i began to realize how parents r really responsible for what we r in life…

privacy…

even when i tried to share interests with them after al ong time of isolation…a long time of walled relationship…they kept making fun of my activities…or simply refusing it…

my online activity…
teenstuff magazine…
music interests…

as if they were never teenagers, as if they never lived this time of evolution of certain interests in the human being in this time interval…

i dont know if it a trend in this family…all the relatives in my family think of me as if am still a little child…forgetting the twenty summers and winters that passed through my life time…

privacy…

all my activities r just watched and delieveredby reports to my family…i hate my parents for what…what the hell…why do you know all this about me…JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU IDIOTS…

and then these relatives say…hey did u do that? u did that alone? What the heck guys…ur generation is the most coward generation of all, the worst generation of all time…the generation of fear and corruption…indeed you in particuler dont have the right to discuss my capability of doing the things i do, SPECIALLY, when i dont share ANY interests with ANY of you…so why dont you keep your idiot opinions for yourself…

when i was a child…i always spent like 2 or 3 hours before sleeping…screaning all my frustrations in my imagination…trying to create imaginable solutions for them…like getting batman tools, bionic men, Aladdin and his Jinny…every imaginable way of solving in the mind of a little child…of course i stopped this habit…but sometimes I think that i need thishabit again…maybe not before sleeping…but trying to get back this ability of reanalysing things that happen to me…to see it from outside…get a clear vision to get an easy solution…

to be continued…

Every once in a while i check through the old issues of the magazine, but recently i felt a new feeling…looking at some … mmm … many names which i met before…

ice heat
nonosh
maro
still
raafat
y.
simon

and a lot more…and i wondered about that i'm still in contact with some of them…others r lost in the mazes of life…some r seen every now and then…

wow…this magazine gave me a lot…

thanks u TeenStuff…

Cairo International Model Arab League…

what a wonderful experience…i was accepted as a member in the Egyptian Affairs Council. Then i attended the openning session, featuring Ibrahim Eissa…the session was in the American University in Cairo

www.modelarableague.org

It wasn't really sad the way they said good-bye
Or maybe it just hurt so bad she couldn't cry
He packed his things, walked out the door and drove away
And she became the girl from yesterday
He took a plane across the sea to some foreign land
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand
How someone who had been so close could be so far away
And she became the girl from yesterday
She doesn't know what's right
She doesn't know what's wrong
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting so long
And she doesn't count the teardrops
That she's cried while he's away
Because she knows deep in her heart
That he'll be back someday
The light's on in the window; she's waiting by the phone
Talking to a memory that's never coming home
She dreams of his returning and the things that he might say
But she'll always be the girl from yesterday

Special Thanks to the Eagles

Since my settlement in Egypt and a lot of ppl think that i'm dull, many others think that i'm weird…

they say i'm not outgoing at all in the beginning of knowing someone…i dunno if this is good or not…does this keeps awful characters from contacting? does this keep good characters from communicating…i just dont know…

my teachers always said i'm an example for the perfect student…though i dont get that excellent marks, what is the use lol…i will lost contact with them anyway

my character is complex, i always knew that…i react towards many ppl in an extreme way…extremely accepting, or extremely refusing…even if i found some good or bad sides from both sides…

this makes me sometimes befriend ppl who r good from the outside and really bad from the inside…

God be with you Ireland…God be with you my second mom…

My Personal Dna Report